I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
