he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
