Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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