Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
