Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
