I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
