I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
