At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
