Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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