I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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