Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
