her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
