i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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