Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
