this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
