his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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