Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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