I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
