I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
