Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
