I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
