Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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