Just mADE A PArabola og urine
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
