I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
