Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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