Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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