Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
