I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
