It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
