You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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