Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize