And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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