my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
