You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
