so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
