yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
