if i can run in heels then i can drive
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
