Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
