You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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