I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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