sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
