You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize