I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
