we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
