honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I will be naked everywhere
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My penis needs a shock collar
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
