the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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