you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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