I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
