Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
