Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
