You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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