fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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