Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
