she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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