Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
