I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
