i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
