have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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