She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
