if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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