yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
