I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You pole danced in your parka.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
