I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
