Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
