his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
ttyl tear gas
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
