he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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