a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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